SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.