You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Banned from zoo.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.