Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.

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  (845): I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway. http://tfl.nu/8j56
  Replies (11) Good night (444) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less

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  (215): Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less http://tfl.nu/o2ix
  Replies (25) Good night (446) Bad night (871)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.

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  (210): Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl. http://tfl.nu/ha6v
  Replies (6) Good night (672) Bad night (1589) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away

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  (650): this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away http://tfl.nu/b3o0
  Replies (45) Good night (544) Bad night (2865) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.

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  (203): I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date. http://tfl.nu/v8b1
  Replies (7) Good night (3923) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout

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  (712): the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout http://tfl.nu/qr0c
  Replies (14) Good night (4844) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.

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  (617): And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today. http://tfl.nu/vsrl
  Replies (7) Good night (3953) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
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  (409): View more from Texas

  I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop

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  (409): I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop http://tfl.nu/6219
  Replies (16) Good night (841) Bad night (9002) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.

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  (404): I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money. http://tfl.nu/7bbu
  Replies (11) Good night (2774) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed

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  (610): So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed http://tfl.nu/2fhq
  Replies (5) Good night (3973) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING

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  (215): by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING http://tfl.nu/y31l
  Replies (2) Good night (464) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus

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  (832): i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus http://tfl.nu/kvpc
  Replies (2) Good night (1468) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Do you think county jail has a Groupon?

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  (254): Do you think county jail has a Groupon? http://tfl.nu/zc61
  Replies (17) Good night (842) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being

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  (904): Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being http://tfl.nu/rzj7
  Replies (1) Good night (503) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours. 

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  (778): Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.  http://tfl.nu/s2ri
  Replies (1) Good night (408) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt

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