Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.