we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
