dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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