I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
