i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
