i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
