Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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