They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
