I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
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The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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