That's when you crack a 10am beer
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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