What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
