forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
