2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
