i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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