Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
