I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
