He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize