I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
