I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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