she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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