So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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