And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
