Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
