when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize