Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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