We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
