I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
