and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
