He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I need moral support for this bender
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
