Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
