I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
