i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
