not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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