Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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