CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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