He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
