I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
