one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
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I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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