So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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