just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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