it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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