My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dear god my vagina.
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