it wasn't lemon gatorade
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
