Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
