i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
