I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
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Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
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Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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