This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic