Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.