I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.