I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
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The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*