The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
