It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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