I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?