The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.