what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.