I'm sorry my penis didn't work
they need to just BURY HIM!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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