Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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