I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
