Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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