So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
