it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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