On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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