hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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