I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
