I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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