I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
